"There is a peace only to be found on the other side of war". It is an oxymoron. My favorite one, in fact. Actually, it is a quote from one of my favorite movies: "First Knight". Even though this is spoken in the context of actual war, I have often taken this to a more personal level of the internal battles I suit up for.
In the movie, King Arthur delivers this line to Malegant, a former knight of the round table, in a tense confrontation between the two characters. Arthur continues on to say "If that war should come I will fight it". I often wonder what was it that fueled him to decide to fight? It wasn't like he went out looking for it. It was a last resort. Maybe it was a desire for peace that contributed to Arthur's decision to take a stand and protect his kingdom and (in the movie) Genevieve's land?
The choice to "fight", to confront, or to stand up for yourself is something I have become familiar with. I have faced internal opponents and I discovered as I have conquered some of those, I was more prepared to take on the external ones as well. Amazingly, it has helped me be a better parent.
Accountability? To some... that word is scary. To others? Comfort. To me? Well... frustration.
As humans, we crave ease. We want things to be easy, calm and comfortable. Those sweet moments in life are wonderful. But, in my opinion... they have to be earned. "There is a peace that is only found on the other side of war", remember.
To be accountable and to hold others accountable is NOT comfortable. To step into the light, look up, and show your weakness can be torture. To ask a person who promised you something to make good on their promise can be a heartache. I have seen an adult break down and cry when drawing a boundary and allowing the natural consequence to take place when the boundary is broken by enforcing the consequence.
The successes I have experienced with the "battles" I have fought have only been because they were built upon a strong foundation of integrity and adherence to natural consequence of law. No "tricks".
I feel that I have been fighting one particular battle all of my life. At the end of this month, I will take the first step toward overcoming this struggle, even though I have to give credit where credit is due and say that I have come a long way. I could never have gotten this far without the understanding, love and fierce examples of my dear friends and family.
Weakness really can be turned into strength. Wrongs really can be righted. Forgiveness and reconciliation are real, honest things. And I am so thankful I have experienced, and continue to experience this peace I have found, only on the other side of some very intense, fucking wars.
